A loner that’s me! This is not true only for those very few who know me for my eccentricities, and know me for who I am. The rest are but strangers companions if at most for a while. I have often journeyed into my past so as to understand my future, make sense of my present. Our present mirrors the past so the wise men say. So if the past maketh my present what pray makes my future? For is it not what I am today that will define who I am tomorrow? This fork in the road will be me? … who will it be? Will I know where it may lead and then step or will I let you hold my hand to lead me to the right leave the wrong behind?
It was simpler then when the father did guide, the lessons of life taught in those many stories in those few words… they settled my soul then, made the choices easy. Can they not be easy now? Those simple rules of integrity and compassion, of trust and fidelity, of belief and self, of those many things that now infuse doubt. The steps were as easy then as they are heavy now. Lighten my step for I am tired of the heavy load, yet when I look to the light it is blinding. The darkness is devoid of companions. Can you not hold my hand so I can draw from your strength? Did I ask the question aloud? Is it the sound of the weak? Can I not see the demons in the darkness? For weakness has no taker in the darkness of today. Why does my conscience speak to me so? Why does it question my every step? I see the mass of humanity pass me by with not a care on their brow? So why is it that I question and evaluate every step? What in my past makes me question the present? Did I voice that aloud too? Is there an ear in the darkness?
I hear that voice if I hold my breath. It is a voice I have known all my life. It is not me, yet it is who I am. I close my eyes and the light is softer. “You are who you were destined to be, for this one life has many lifetimes to live. I spent a lifetime with you my child when I held your hand and led you to the light and guided your every step. You chose well, with strength and perseverance. It is this past that molded you. I spent another life time correcting the course of the wayward ship, yet letting your sails fill themselves to chase the horizon, god speed. You travelled well not swaying much from your course till you are but a dot on the horizon. I am at a distance now and the storm clouds approach as Poseidon prepares to test your spirit. I spent a lifetime holding my breath and the spirit prevailed, the clouds shatter and the old man of the sea sleeps again till another time. The Olympians watch and while some will be friendly be weary of most. I have spent a lifetime forging the hull and it holds its own I see.” You questions mark your path; the answers set you apart from the crowd. It is the past that made your present. Just as this present will make your future.
"Stand out! for the crowd has no face, the sea has waves on every beach. Hold that head high it matters not what waves it makes. The weather is for ever changing and the rocks have already weathered all there is to see. Have no fear for there are and will be many a skeletons, many a fossil, amber and roses": Yes the cobwebs are fading, they are gone. Let the sunshine in. Blue skies at last cheering me on.
I let my breath go. The breath I spent a life time holding, the voice is dear, it stands by me as the light clears out to vision. The hull is strong and will last many lifetimes of stormy seas. The old man of the sea will test the sailor many a time, and each time the voice will be beside me, guiding me to the light. Not all seas are friendly and not all are hostile yet we approach each with caution, for the currents hide just below the calm. It is the past which holds the judgment steady. For I know now that my future is what I make it to be.
To my father, a great man I write this for it is he who has held my hand, but also it is he who let go when I wanted to spread my wings, it is but cause of him the hull is strong and the ship well captained. I cannot but only imagine what it would have been to stand and let me find the edge, a new cliff and a new sea every day. To know the height of the fall and the depth of the deep blue seas and yet Oh the courage you let go and hold on! I have reflected on the past many a time, sometimes with you too. I have felt that your courage, this life source that flows in my veins an apple they say never falls far from the tree. I have those hints of decisiveness and God help me stubbornness! They have stood me in good faith. Yet there is this thing which I credit to you which no one has, yes I have seen poor excuses for childhood many a time, I can only smile when I see how mine was rich. I know now as I have for a while without doubt that I have had a better past than I deserved and that it has made me a better person that I had the potential to be.
It was simpler then when the father did guide, the lessons of life taught in those many stories in those few words… they settled my soul then, made the choices easy. Can they not be easy now? Those simple rules of integrity and compassion, of trust and fidelity, of belief and self, of those many things that now infuse doubt. The steps were as easy then as they are heavy now. Lighten my step for I am tired of the heavy load, yet when I look to the light it is blinding. The darkness is devoid of companions. Can you not hold my hand so I can draw from your strength? Did I ask the question aloud? Is it the sound of the weak? Can I not see the demons in the darkness? For weakness has no taker in the darkness of today. Why does my conscience speak to me so? Why does it question my every step? I see the mass of humanity pass me by with not a care on their brow? So why is it that I question and evaluate every step? What in my past makes me question the present? Did I voice that aloud too? Is there an ear in the darkness?
I hear that voice if I hold my breath. It is a voice I have known all my life. It is not me, yet it is who I am. I close my eyes and the light is softer. “You are who you were destined to be, for this one life has many lifetimes to live. I spent a lifetime with you my child when I held your hand and led you to the light and guided your every step. You chose well, with strength and perseverance. It is this past that molded you. I spent another life time correcting the course of the wayward ship, yet letting your sails fill themselves to chase the horizon, god speed. You travelled well not swaying much from your course till you are but a dot on the horizon. I am at a distance now and the storm clouds approach as Poseidon prepares to test your spirit. I spent a lifetime holding my breath and the spirit prevailed, the clouds shatter and the old man of the sea sleeps again till another time. The Olympians watch and while some will be friendly be weary of most. I have spent a lifetime forging the hull and it holds its own I see.” You questions mark your path; the answers set you apart from the crowd. It is the past that made your present. Just as this present will make your future."Stand out! for the crowd has no face, the sea has waves on every beach. Hold that head high it matters not what waves it makes. The weather is for ever changing and the rocks have already weathered all there is to see. Have no fear for there are and will be many a skeletons, many a fossil, amber and roses": Yes the cobwebs are fading, they are gone. Let the sunshine in. Blue skies at last cheering me on.
I let my breath go. The breath I spent a life time holding, the voice is dear, it stands by me as the light clears out to vision. The hull is strong and will last many lifetimes of stormy seas. The old man of the sea will test the sailor many a time, and each time the voice will be beside me, guiding me to the light. Not all seas are friendly and not all are hostile yet we approach each with caution, for the currents hide just below the calm. It is the past which holds the judgment steady. For I know now that my future is what I make it to be.
To my father, a great man I write this for it is he who has held my hand, but also it is he who let go when I wanted to spread my wings, it is but cause of him the hull is strong and the ship well captained. I cannot but only imagine what it would have been to stand and let me find the edge, a new cliff and a new sea every day. To know the height of the fall and the depth of the deep blue seas and yet Oh the courage you let go and hold on! I have reflected on the past many a time, sometimes with you too. I have felt that your courage, this life source that flows in my veins an apple they say never falls far from the tree. I have those hints of decisiveness and God help me stubbornness! They have stood me in good faith. Yet there is this thing which I credit to you which no one has, yes I have seen poor excuses for childhood many a time, I can only smile when I see how mine was rich. I know now as I have for a while without doubt that I have had a better past than I deserved and that it has made me a better person that I had the potential to be.
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