Reflections of Retrospect

As I dwell on what could have been, what could have been more than it was, could I have done differently? Could I have done better? Retrospection makes the clouds darker. As I look back to that decisive moment I remember the tug of the warring sides, the journey into the then future. There were no clouds then just as there is no sunshine now. I look back and remember I asked all the questions and got all the right answers. Did you think and evaluate? Did you pursue and chose well? Did you listen to what your conscience had to say? Did you do all this and more I ask myself, doubt is the storm that unsettles my soul. Why is it that my decisions are not my own to make their burden not mine alone to carry? Oh lord what if in a moment of unrest I take the path un-trodden the roads of many hardships will the mentored follow? Will it break my heart if they do not? Can I not understand and carry on caring for those who remain by my side? Should it be a different emotion for he whose path forked from mine? Have I now become the image I despised? Will I be bitter with the lies or better for the knowledge that they don't affect my truth?

Retrospection makes the clouds darker they shadow the sun and the stars, such that there is no light that reaches me. There is a small voice in the din of salience. You did well my friend for your heart was pure, we know not the fates but we do what is right by the distance in sight. You did well my friend for you meant no harm. The sun lightens the clouds and they part to revile a little light. We cannot undo what has been done but we can go on doing what we believe is right, and all that needs to be done shall be our prison. To have learnt and gained from our choices makes us grow into better human beings. The next time around the troubles smaller my decision faster yet my prayer larger may you my friend hold my hand, whisper in my ear at the time so I may yet again chose the right turn. Keep walking! Without fear that it may be the road less travelled. I know that I like all others I must make my journey alone and all the travelers I meet are but companions for a while. Yet I care I know not why, yes it makes my step lighter my pace faster. My journey long and step by step I decide the best by the distance I see. I know not the future.