Silent Expressions

O most wonderful, mischievous, assuring, devious, promising, challenging, reassuring of actions. Oh smile on my lips you make me more than I am. When I know not what to say I gain that moment with a pause to smile, and how many times I have had you as a friend when memories cross my path, when I remember moments of sunshine and rain. Saying so much without a word you lighten my soul when retrospect weighs me down. You brighten my spirit adding that dash of confidence when my heart is in doubt.

To give so much without a word, you have taught me to give and that giving the little things makes me more than I am. The smile to a stranger changed a frown today, just as it has so many times before, you have taught me to see more than is visible for when you are with me my world is rose tinted my troubles forgotten. Dear friend you know not the many times when I have stepped into the unknown with just you by my side. My heart trembled and I took courage from your strength. They read you! did you know that? Yes they read but not all that you say, just a few read some and some read more than some. No one my friend knows as I do you.

I have lived not far from the edge, or is it the edge? Beyond the limits or are there any limits really? I live as if I have no tomorrow for it is the only way to spend a lifetime. I have had you by my side in silence my dearest of sounds, when I see him, them, her hesitate clouds of worry spent in what if? Massacres of their today frowning on their tomorrows, is it a life I shudder and wonder. I have but one life my friend with you by my side; I care not for its length. I worry not by its distance. One life my friend with many a lifetimes to live, miles to run, and waterfalls to watch, stars to gaze at and daemons to fight. One life my friend, with mountains to conquer and roses to smell, swords to forge and rivers to cross, a new day with a new lifetime to live before each sun sets.

I'm here my friend at the peak of my today looking into my tomorrow and I smile yet again for I know that you will make another tomorrow pass whatever may be its debt or its wages. I hold you close like I have always done and with a deep breath step up to meet the world. I know without a doubt that there shall be a tomorrow and it will be brighter than yesterday for today I have the better fortune of having one more day with you by my side and thus my world rose tinted.

Reflections of Retrospect

As I dwell on what could have been, what could have been more than it was, could I have done differently? Could I have done better? Retrospection makes the clouds darker. As I look back to that decisive moment I remember the tug of the warring sides, the journey into the then future. There were no clouds then just as there is no sunshine now. I look back and remember I asked all the questions and got all the right answers. Did you think and evaluate? Did you pursue and chose well? Did you listen to what your conscience had to say? Did you do all this and more I ask myself, doubt is the storm that unsettles my soul. Why is it that my decisions are not my own to make their burden not mine alone to carry? Oh lord what if in a moment of unrest I take the path un-trodden the roads of many hardships will the mentored follow? Will it break my heart if they do not? Can I not understand and carry on caring for those who remain by my side? Should it be a different emotion for he whose path forked from mine? Have I now become the image I despised? Will I be bitter with the lies or better for the knowledge that they don't affect my truth?

Retrospection makes the clouds darker they shadow the sun and the stars, such that there is no light that reaches me. There is a small voice in the din of salience. You did well my friend for your heart was pure, we know not the fates but we do what is right by the distance in sight. You did well my friend for you meant no harm. The sun lightens the clouds and they part to revile a little light. We cannot undo what has been done but we can go on doing what we believe is right, and all that needs to be done shall be our prison. To have learnt and gained from our choices makes us grow into better human beings. The next time around the troubles smaller my decision faster yet my prayer larger may you my friend hold my hand, whisper in my ear at the time so I may yet again chose the right turn. Keep walking! Without fear that it may be the road less travelled. I know that I like all others I must make my journey alone and all the travelers I meet are but companions for a while. Yet I care I know not why, yes it makes my step lighter my pace faster. My journey long and step by step I decide the best by the distance I see. I know not the future.

PRISONERS BY BIRTH

We are all born free, it’s from our first breath that we trade in love, care, play and our associations become our bonds. As life transitions our wants and needs become our bondage. We are free yet we know not what freedom is, we chase happiness yet it taunts us just beyond our reach. We are free yet our time belongs not to us but to the pursuit of happiness, that which dances beyond our grasp. We are free yet we live a life doing another’s bidding and our moments belong not to us but to the past or to the unknown future. Precious currency spent on what was not and what could have been. We are free yet we do what we are told to do and thus authority becomes our truth while the truth eludes us. Weighed down by the falsehood of our being we struggle to be free and unchain the chains we spent a lifetime forging and we seem to be doing what we want to do. Yet, freedom eludes us and happiness taunts dancing just beyond reach. Till the moment comes when the final resting place is ready, the pillow awaits the final words and we know not what to write.

Prisoners by birth we know not who we are or who we could have been. We were so free that we touched no lives spent no currency on laughter, no thought to the present for today like each day gone by we had so much to see, love learn, teach, share change. We have no greater absolute waste, than those moments lost, which had nothing to give, our failure lies in not having tried as the moments passed unspent. As we write and rewrite searching for the words which will fill the space, we know not what to say, for a hand full of pennies we have left are not enough for that single moment of truth. Our time on earth, the currency of life wasted on trinkets. As the pile of crumpled paper grows we write on our pillows far lesser than what could have been and know that there is no greater sorrow than to repent in retrospect on that which shall NEVER RETURN…..

I am free for I have learnt that my truth is to be discovered as I grow and learn to share every moment with not a care for its wages. I’m free for I chase not happiness but know that it is in my heart when I wish well for those around me. I’m free for I am discovering the power of silence, the space to listen. I’m free for I know I tried for all that could be done. I’m free every moment when there is joy in the many eyes I care for. I'm free for I have seen life pays handsomely if I can but try to do not what I'm told or what I want but what is right by my conscience. I am free for my soul lives and smiles, for my moments have something to give, my head is held high, and my truth is my own. My peace is made; my pillow awaits the words "she lived".